I have this recurring dream of being angry, so angry that I am lead to destruction. I am climbing the walls and tearing up the floors, for absolutely no reason at all. I am suffocating, being smothered by the dregs of society and the needy who take and never give. I see only one image in front of me all the time… It is she. It is she that is always in front of me, hurt in despair, abusing the kindness of others. It is she that can never give enough, until she has lost everything and must start over again. No reflection, no duty to achieve, no goal, no basis for life. She just is, and therefore will never be.  :read more:.


  Also, in this dream I am weary, tired, but still fighting for my freedom. I have beaten her body, thrown it around the room, violently mauled her face until it was unrecognizable, and she still comes at me, she is still there. When I take a bite of her flesh she smiled and said, "the fat of men is saltier than the fat of an animal." I sit there, crying, picking the fatty particles from my teeth. She kneels over me and says I am nothing, that I can never be defeated and that she will always take from me, bleed me dry until there is nothing. As I raise myself from the floor, the ground began to move, as if a vast energy had overcome the area where I stood. I felt it run through me and I wasn't sure of its power, it realized that and slowly gave me its strength. I pulled myself up and I placed my hands around the neck of the taker, and her neck started to swell, so I could not crush it. However, the power beside me, inside me held strong and steady. My hands grew bigger and stronger. I render and she’s speechless, unable to do anything but listen. When it was silent, she heard the call at a distance. Calling her and telling her that pain was useless and pity is self-mutilation. It whispered her name, with those words alongside it. It whispered her name so greatly I could hear it. The silence called me as well. It had another voice. I heard it in the distance, through the words for her. It told me to refrain, be still, and all will come to me. It told me to send away all others who see me as empty, and to forgive those who are compelled by envy. It said to believe not in hope, but in truth, for they are relatives, truth being the stronger cousin. So I stopped. I pushed her and pushed her and pushed her until she was out, gone and her silence with her, with no place to turn she screamed for a moment, confused by the lack of direction. She wailed so loudly the heavens could hear her grief, but no one responded. Her silence remained still for a brief moment. When you could hear nothing, you saw it, finally take her in its arms and embrace her and move her to the direction in which she was supposed to go. The silence stood her up and pushed forward, away from self destruction and dependence. It rode her away on a railway with no destination and no departure point.
When the dream ends it’s all very sad. I don't know where she is and occasionally I worry how she is doing. However, I know the silence placed her where she belonged. Otherwise it would not have come to her. So I wake up in the morning and I feel no sense of anger, refreshed by the light of day. Believing that today is the beginning. Because hope is truth's cousin and truth is the stronger one.