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RELATIONSHIPS: 5
SIMPLE RULES |
We all have been through the fun time with our mates, the tough times, the rough patches, and the glory of the chase. We've done everything we had to do to make sure the love we have for another is respected, shown deeply and enjoyed. Experts (and there are so many) claim if you use their tools, you will be ensured success. Friends give us their version of coffee table advice, and our parents, divorced or not, think they know what is best for us. The bottom line is no one is the real expert on your heart but you. We can all tell you what it's been like, how we did it, or where we went wrong. But any advice you take should make sense to you and your heart. Here are 5 simple rules I've always used to make sure that my heart and my mind were getting what I needed.
BE ON THE SAME PAGE
The most difficult task is knowing when to say no. Some of us want so much to stay in a relationship just for the sake of having someone, that we stay in it just because we don't want to be alone. We all need that alone time to make sure that we know what we want from our mate. When you know what you want, you will attract a person who wants the same things. Want the same things. Be on the same page. You can't make a garbage man a millionaire, a waitress a restaurant owner, or a doorman a hotel entrepreneur unless they have that ambition. That will cause you both to be more confused than a lost tourist in the middle of New York. It may seem at first that everything is in sync, but make sure, ask the questions, and get your answers. Don't spend all that "getting to know each other time" having a good time. And time is of the essence in this busy world we live in. You don't want to waste weeks or months to turn around and realize that where you are is not where you want to be. If you don't have the same needs and ambitions, just say "Thank you, but no thank you".
NO ONE WILL CHANGE FOR YOU
Women are guilty of this more than men. We like a man because he is handsome, hard working, funny or fun, but there is something about him that is just not right. And we need to change it. Again, this works both ways. We can't change what is already there. You either have to take it all or not at all. Change comes from within and no matter how much badgering you do, or new places you take them to, if your mate like's Budweiser it will be difficult to get them to change to Stella Artois. Think about why you would want to change that person. Think about how you would feel if someone wanted to change you. If you like who you are you wouldn't want to change, so why should they? And it's not about simple enhancements, its about significant change. People will not change their lives if they have been used to living in the manner that they have been living for years and it makes them happy. No amount of manipulation will give you the mate that you want. That person you wanted had to be across from you in club when you met then. And if they were not there when you met them, just like the name their momma gave them, unless they want to change it, they won't.
RESPECT THE EXPECTATIONS
Respect is very important, because we all have issues with how we expect people to respect our wishes. Respect should be the first thing that is on the table when you meet that potential candidate for your relationship. As a woman, if you like doors opened for you, make sure you have met someone who knows proper date etiquette. If you like your date completely paid for by the individual that asked you out, please make sure they are aware of your standards. And in the same vein, as a man, if you like a beer on the table when you come through the door, dinner ready, or the laundry done, please make that lady you are with is aware of your needs. People need their privacy respected, they need quiet time, space and time to think of their own needs. Remember there are always 2 people in the relationship, and in order for it to work, wants and needs should be respected on both sides. It is all a give and take. One person does not get everything they need, with the other suffering. That will just end a relationship.
COMPROMISE
Compromise does not mean giving in. It does not mean always making concessions in order to get what you want. It does not mean making changes in your life that you don't like. It means openly making decisions that will benefit the both of you. And both party's have to do it. We have all been in relationships where the ego's are so strong, that you have to know when to say when. Know when to end the debate before it gets into a heated argument. That's compromise. And when you make the decision to compromise, you do it selflessly, not to hold as a place card for later to get what you want. Compromise means being strong enough to know that there are some things you have to let your partner do. It's a healthy task and if you look at your life, you will realize that you made compromises throughout.
KNOW WHEN IT BEGINS AND KNOW WHEN IT ENDS
So many of us try to make relationships out of something that never was. We spend all this time spinning our wheels trying to find the answer to that question; "Is that my man?" Is that my girl?" We have all been guilty of it. If you don't know what is going on, then nothing is going on and you should move on. I like to give a list for this notion, because so many people have fallen into this line of doubt:
That's not your man/girl if:
You can't make a relationship out of successive "booty calls", and whoever has done that I give them praises. Know what it is when you get into it. And know when it's over. If you are not happy, constantly arguing, not able to work out your problems, then it's time to just call a spade a spade. The most important thing is that the both of you are happy with each other. Times will be tough because we are all human. But if that person is not the person you can come to and talk about your issues, it's time to question where you both want to be.