^{Society became disturbed by etiquette's European history, so associated with extravagance and wealth. What's left is a watered down version of its last marketable concepts; dancing lessons, table settings, balanced walks and appropriate greetings; Charm schools, Debutante Balls, and private lessons.}

 <sup>We can now "buy" a good upbringing, for a small fortune, with the best schools and the best clothes, making everything we do more marketable. But what about the simple facts? What about the basics? What about the things that were once important, when all you had was not what you wore but how you presented yourself and what you said. From your hand gestures to the way you chewed your food. To the way you picked up your knife and fork, those are some of the little things that were just a way of life. But it's bigger than that. It was how we set the standard for what the world will be today. And there's no one thing to blame it's everything and everyone. Because we all forgot and we all should have remembered.

 Do you remember when people shared and were interested in working together for one common good? In corporate culture it is now called "Team Work". Do you remember the days where you couldn’t play double Dutch without 4 people, and the park was where everyone played, young or old? Do you remember? The times where you couldn’t raise your voice at ANY adult, and it wasn’t only "Big Mamma" who slapped you for doing wrong? And whether you lived in apartment or a house, at the dinner table, there were NO elbows on the table, and you didn’t eat without saying “Pass the butter please...” and “Thank you” after it was passed to you. Oh, you could cut up, but you knew better than to take it any farther than a smile or a giggle. And the kids did the dishes after dinner. What happened to those times, when we were rewarded for good work, even when the boss was taking advantage. He at least said “Job well done.” You might not have gotten that promotion, but at least they said “Thank you.” The lost art of etiquette, so far gone, those that still have it are considered weak, bourgeois, or better yet, stupid to participate in such vain activities of the mind.

When we even bring up the issue of culture, do we even suggest that urban culture is the culprit of this substandard mockery of common attitudes? How could we? When we are all in the grocery store watching the "New Age" mother letting her infant children "express themselves" by screaming and stamping, and yelling at her. Should we turn our noses up because she is a career women with a nanny and a job that some of us dream to have? And what about the "Welfare" mother with WIC checks and too many kids to handle. Do we turn our noses up at them because they take longer in the checkout line while her infant children "express themselves" by demanding things she cannot afford to buy? Or do we do what the lost art expected of us, to help them both all along the way. And what about the businessman, late for his meeting, who pushes his way through the crowd with a posture and an obvious feeling of self importance, as if he is the only one on the way to work. And the over privileged college student, who thinks his opinion is more important than any one else's in the classroom. What does it say about us when cities have to place signs on seats in public transportation to remind us of what used to be second nature? To "Give up a seat for the elderly or physically impaired". What are we saying about ourselves?

It says that we live in a world where there are other things of value. Money, power and maintaining a lifestyle that is comfortable to us. And those things are not wrong to want. We want our children to have more than we had. We want to do better than our parents did. It's good to want more. Wanting breeds ambition, challenge and integrity. Its the way we choose to the "More" that we want that is questioned here. These material needs have become synonymous with respect, which has changed the way we all live. In a millennium where the average family struggles to pay for healthcare, and the retired have to go back to work to part-time to pay for their medication, is it just what they all say? That we are living longer so it is draining our social security? Or are we all suffering from the change, that has almost eliminated the ideals of etiquette.

That change has made etiquette a lost art. Etiquette as an art instead of a way of life. Aggressive behavior is praised in business because professional attitudes have deemed it to be more "Progressive". We live, eat and breathe for the next opportunity to make more money because that is represented as successful living. And successful living is respected. Drawn in by the tragedy of fear, we've lost the sense of community, where the lost art lived and thrived. We've lost respect for those who once had the ability to teach it; preachers, reverends, politicians, businessman. To only respect the less human ideals and separate ourselves from the tragedy, for a better sense of security. Material gains have become more respected. And the more we separate ourselves, the less associated with ourselves we become. And that is how the art of etiquette is lost.

Community brought the lost art to us, and gave us it's values. It was meant to be a teaching tool, to ensure that we could all communicate with one another effectively. Reflecting on the basics of humanity, by priding itself on non-judgment. Never existing to separate the masses through class distinction, but when used effectively, brought people together from all walks of life. And we have left it. Left it all behind.

The nostalgia I felt to see a small clip in the news of the last vestiges of the lost art. In New Orleans, at city of recent tragedy, they were able to do what they did annually. for all young girls who lived there. A debutante ball. My heart became alive at the fact that there was still a place in the country that honored the tradition. A tradition that is full of life, love, respect, and all the things that I endure. I shed a tear. A tear because I only hoped for more young women to participate in the process that was once so well respected. To bring to their children, not only the regimen, but what it means, and how it helps to reach all those who one would think are so unreachable. To bring hope, honor and joy to those who played a part, in keeping the lost art alive. We think so much about all else that matters little, and yet so less about what matters so much. The lost art, it taught us that the small things that happen in our lives, are not so much less, but just as big, because they bring us to the larger things in life. Quality of life. No matter where you live, or who you are, or what you have become. The lost art love and respected all that took part, and all that made it prosper. The lost art of Etiquette, it is what we once had, before its meaning was left behind.</sup>